Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Humour: Shredded Similes & Mutilated Metaphors

As a departure from the topics on which I normally post, I have included the following actual similes and metaphors purportedly found by high school English teachers from across the United States of America in their student's essays. Some of them are actually pretty impressive.

- Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances, like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

- He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

- She grew on him like she was a colony of e-coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

- Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

- He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

- The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

- McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

- From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

- Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

- They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

- Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

- The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

- Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

- The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

- The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

佛祖说:Why are you still carrying her?

Tanzan and Ekido, two monks on a pilgrimage, were traveling together when they came to the ford of a river. It was there where they met a lovely young girl dressed in silk kimono with a sash and all manners of finery. However, she appeared not to know how she could proceed towards the opposite bank since the water level in the river was high and she obviously was not too keen to soil or wet her clothes.

Without much ado, Tanzan then proceeded to take her on his back, carried her safely across the river and put her down on dry ground on the opposite bank. Thereafter, the monks continued on their way.

Tanzan and Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. It was then when Ekido could no longer restrain himself and said “Surely, it is not right for us to touch that girl by the river bank; for it is against the commandments for monks to have close contact with women. How could you of all people violate such a cardinal rule for monks?”

Tanzan remained silent for a moment, but he finally remarked, “I have already set her down by the river bank hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?”

P.S. The above story is derived from a classic kōan. A kōan is a fundamental part of the history and lore of Zen Buddhism. It typically consists of a story, dialogue, question, or statement, the meaning of which cannot be understood by rational thinking but may be accessible through intuition.
One of the most difficult thing which we face constantly in life is to let go of something from the past. When someone does us wrong and seeks forgiveness in the process, we may already choose not to grant that someone forgiveness. Even if we do forgive that someone, we may inadvertently still choose to continue carrying the memory of that wrong. It is especially so if we are that someone who has committed the wrong against somebody else. I am sure we do not want to continue carrying memories of the wrong and its associated guilt, but unfortunately, we often do. In fact, it often seems to be infinitely more difficult for us to forgive ourselves than to forgive someone else. So, when are we ever going to lay down the memories of our past transgressions and move on in life?

Sunday, May 01, 2011


阿难对佛祖说 :我喜欢上了一女子。













可惜,庙会太挤了, 她无法走到那个男人的身边,就这样眼睁睁的看着那个男人消失在人群中。